I have a wombat.
Someone has sent me a wombat. It is furry and brown and has little ears and has a nice big rump without a tail. It looks like a cross between a bear and a mouse. It is DANGEROUSLY CUTE. It should come with a warning sign because I nearly died. I began to feel dizzy and a little nauseous. I also experienced dry mouth, jaundice, inability to concentrate, restless leg syndrome, and a nearly insurmountable urge to high five. But that could be from other medication. I NEARLY DIED do you understand? That’s how cute this piece of shit is. WOMBAT: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? What have I done to you? I do not know who sent this to me, it is a mystery. A very mysterious mystery. If you have sent me a wombat, please let me know. His name is Wally. It came with that name. I always keep the name animals come with. I had a friend who got an old cat from another family, and he re-named it Helsinki or Stockholm or Oslo or something like that, which is a cool name, but not the name it came with, so I was like, dude, why would you do that? It’s like meeting a man named Joe and all of the sudden calling him Duke Fernando Castillo y Ruiz because that is a cooler name. Like, no! NO!
Also, my computer still sucks as does my life at the moment.
One drunken evening, a few friends were playing a word guessing game. The word was wombat. We got the word bat. My friend was pointing to her womb area but as drunk as we were, we weren’t getting it. Then somebody drunkenly screamed vagibat. And that ended the game.
We live in a forest.Our red necked neighbour shoots wombats. I asked him why, he said “it has always been our policy to shoot the wombats around the house – they ruin the fences.”
I told him they are protected but he doesn’t care. There are presently three dead wombats wriggly with maggots on our lane.When my daughter and I went for a walk on Sunday we had to sprint past the cadavars to avoid the stench.
If he insists on shooting them I wish he’d at least bury them.
I can’t argue with my neighbour.The lane we live on is named after his father. He think I’m a lower form of life because I come from the city and don’t have a big car or a gun for that matter.
To give him credit he is useful when you need a hand with extreme Australian bush stuff like bushfires.
Bye, love your life perspective.I must get hold of your book.
LOL!
I am in college at the moment but usually i live in the forest with Cate. I hate the fact our nieghbour shoots wombats too because I have had to,on occaision, drag their flyblown carcasses of the road which is very icky work. Dead they wiegh about 25 kgs. Alive they gallop off too fast to find out how heavy they are.
Cate and I found your blog via an open letter to architects you wrote that got sent to an architects blog that i am into at the moment. Laughed a lot, out loud and on the lounge. Thanks for your piercing critique and long live your life perspective. Can you send cate and me the details of where to get hold of your book. I am too preoccupied to hunt it down myself. Thanks.
I am in college at the moment but usually i live in the forest with Cate. I hate the fact our nieghbour shoots wombats too because I have had to,on occaision, drag their flyblown carcasses of the road which is very icky work. Dead they wiegh about 25 kgs. Alive they gallop off too fast to find out how heavy they are.
Cate and I found your blog via an open letter to architects you wrote that got sent to an architects blog that i am into at the moment. Laughed a lot, out loud and on the lounge. Thanks for your piercing critique and long live your life perspective. Can you send cate and me the details of where to get hold of your book. I am too preoccupied to hunt it down myself. Thanks.
It does look like a duplicate but your server told me you had dissappeared. looks like you\’re back again.
Debora: Sometimes I get vagibats that scurry behind my fridge and I set traps but they are very wily.
Cate: I do not live in Australia and therefore wombats sound extra cute and amazing to me, therefore I do not understand how you can SHOOT THEM!!! I mean look at them. Look how cute they are???? Plus they’re protected! But apparently not from total dicks.
Simon: Thanks for reading and tracking me down. I wrote a letter in the RIAA newsletter that came out three weeks ago too, but I guess you have to be a member of RIAA to get it. I’m not a member so I haven’t seen it myself. Anyway you can get my book (which is NOT about architecture) from Amazon UK or get it from U.S. by using the link in the sidebar here ——> It qualifies for supersaver express delivery shipping, but probably not to Australia. You guys are always getting screwed with the shipping, it’s not fair.
death by cute ass stuffed wombat. what an awesome way to go. everyone needs to make room in their heart for a wombat named wally. except maybe that asshole wombat killer.
Sandy: Sometimes that asshole likes to eat puppies and kick orphans.
damn, a TRUE asshole, i mean everyone knows you kick puppies and eat orphans. it’s all backwards.
I deserve to be screwed for not even looking at the side bar.
damn, first that killer cat, and now a wombat? someone has it out for you annie…
My computer narrowly missed getting sprayed with the tea I’m currently drinking when I read “vagibat.”
I saw a baby wombat at an Australian zoo once. A guy had his shirt buttoned almost all the way up and the wombat was inside it, with just his little head poking out. So I get what you mean about dying from the cute.
I had no idea what a wombat is (I don’t speak english, so I don’t have to know) but now I do… and yes, they are very cute, but most important, they have a face expression, I never liked pets without visible emotions (like spiders or fishes or snakes… you never know whether they’re happy or sad or planning to kill you)
I think Wally is a cute name, like that guy you had to find in a crowd.
I like the way you write, very interesting blog. (dont’ bother checking mine, it’s in spanish
) Bye!
I’m happily bored at work and reading your book. You won’t believe it, but I too had a little kingdom of stuffed animals (dolls scared the shit out of me, especially the ones that closed their eyes when they lie town).
Thanks for making my stint at work more entertaining tonight. I’ve been laughing on every page.
Happy upcoming Thanksgiving!