I am short.
Both of my lightbulbs went out. When I say “both” I really mean “all the lightbulbs in my apartment.” (Not counting the lamp on my dresser, which is also my nightstand, because that’s how small my apartment is.) I have “track lighting” which is a total joke because A) the track is like five inches long, why even bother and B) my apartment is so clearly a dump and my landlord thought that track lighting would make it “more inviting and therefore more profitable” which is totally absurd because it’s like putting a Band-aid on a broken leg. OK this is not the point.
Both the lightbulbs went out so I grabbed a step stool to unscrew the dead ones and I realized, HOLY CRAP I CAN’T REACH. So then I went on my tippy toes which is hard because one toe is hozed (bone bruise by the way, not broken, but it still sucks) so I had to just do tippy toes on one foot which is a very dangerous situation. But that didn’t work. So I grabbed a chair which is only slightly bigger than the step stool and oh what’s this? I STILL CAN’T REACH. I guess all the years I’ve been living here I’ve gotten some kind of giant manslave to change it. So then I got my animal encyclopedia which is about 2-3 inches thick and stood on top of that and then went on my tippy toes and then I could just barely reach. I am pathetic. PATHETIC.
So in conclusion: I am short.
And in addition: My apartment sucks.
Thank you.
I am pathetically short,too. I have no men in my life, but I do have a Bayco light bulb changer. I got it at a hardware store. It can change all sorts of bulb sizes. And it rocks. You probably don’t have to change an outdoor flood light near a power line.
Get a pair of drywalling stilts. Your downstairs neighbor will love you. And you can be the giant ruler of your one hundred and eighty-something square foot kingdom. Don’t forget to duck.
i am in london – back from dinner – i was laughing so hard i spit my beer on my computer.
Debora: Getting a Bayco light bulb changer seems like overkill seeing that I only have 2 lightbulps in my entire apartment. But if I ever move to an apartment that has, like, three bulbs, I will get one.
Bryan: Drywalling stilts seems like an awesome idea because it’ll be like adding a second floor to my apartment.
Dan Fogelson: Score! You know everytime you write me you are in a different country, did you know that?
Hey, nobody, n I mean nobody can outdo me n shortness n u know it! or cuteness.
Gees, how high up is your ceiling? I mean I’m majorly short and I can still reach my roof on a chair. I guess maybe the ceiling height is supposed to make up for it being small too? Your apartment has as many light bulbs in it that my kitchen does.
Tina: It’s true. You are definitely the cutest one in the family. Hey I have Korean books I’ll mail my mom stuff and you can get one from her. Read it and tell me if it’s good.
prink: I’m sure my apartment is smaller than your kitchen.
If it was, I don’t think you could fit much in it! Like, your bed etc.
I thought you were kidding with the line “both my light bulbs.” I thunk, “That Annie, she’s so funny – two light bulbs, har har!”
Debora: Yeah I’m like totally serious. Two light bulbs in the apartment. THe one above the “stove” burned out in 1972 I am sure. There’s one in the bathroom. That’s it.
I really, really hope the chair you stood on was not the Philippe Starck chair. In fact, I hope you have never ever breathed in the direction of that chair, but rather kept it sheathed in a protective wrapper, like fancy shoes with spats. It’s way to precious to be subjected to your lightbulb-changing acrobatics. Also, when you were struggling with this where was your giant manslave? Shame.
Aura: Oh I couldn’t stand on that thing. THe other day I dropped my keys on it and I freaked out because I thought I scratched it. Seriously the thing is worth more than me.
rad. I knew that animal encyclopedia would come in handy.
Aaron: I know, right? It’s a good encyclopedia actually.