Yesterday I was getting a coffee and a pigeon took a dump on me. It grazed my glasses and then landed on my lap. I really, really despise birds. I only like birds that eat other birds, I’m totally serious. I don’t care that they can fly, that doesn’t make them special. I mean I have fingers and they don’t. Hey birds, can you play piano? That’s what I thought. You’re not so special are you? Anyway I was totally disgusted by the whole thing and the guy at the table next to me said “At least it wasn’t a hawk.” Hahaha that was pretty funny, but it did not change the fact that I had bird poop all over me. I had to go to the bathroom and wash my skirt in the sink because the last thing you need is a white stain on a skirt. So then it looked like I had peed myself, which is always very classy.

Here’s the thing: a bird takes a dump on me EVERY YEAR. And I don’t even spend a lot of time outdoors. In fact, one might say that I do not like the outdoors and am generally suspicious of anything that does not have four walls and a roof. Last year I was walking down 8th Ave and 50th St. and a bird just laid one on me. I mean it’s MIDTOWN. There’s zero chance of nature there. And yet there I was, with bird shit on my sleeve and all over my watch. The year before that it was actually on my head. Everyone loves to tell you that it’s good luck, but then why don’t they make bird shit key chains like a rabbit’s foot? Everyone is clearly lying and they are horrible horrible people. It’s good luck for the bird.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 6th, 2007 at 1:44 pm and is filed under not raging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.