I have been housesitting on the Upper East Side for the past week.

This is what I’ve figured out here in the 10021.

1. TV
I don’t have cable. I don’t even have a TV. But Aura does. And guess what? HOLY CRAP IT’S GLORIOUS. Seriously? Do you guys know about this TV thing? I think it’s really going to catch on. You may want to buy some stocks in TV because I think it’s gonna be big. Real big. Particularly the show HUMAN GIANT IS THE BEST THING EVER. Lets go! This is Rockafeller Center! Let’s go! Bing bong! Paul Scheer’s a Total Douchebag Pizzeria. This show makes me so happy. It really does.

2. Nespresso
I don’t have a Nespresso machine. But Aura does. And guess what? HOLY CRAP IT’S SCRUMPTULESCENT. This is how it works. You pop in this little pod into this machine. You push a button. And then espresso comes out. No wait, NESPRESSO comes out. It is like printing your own money. Yes! Do you want $100? Yes? OK, let me just pour you one. But wait, then the machine cleans itself! It’s self-cleaning! What? WHAT? If Nespresso can make an apartment version, I am into it. I will even pay $5.28 for it.

3. Honey Roasted Peanut Butter
Aura has a tub of honey roasted peanut butter. Have you had this? This is how it works. Magical elves take honey roasted peanuts. Then they grind it. Then it goes in my belly. Then all of the sudden, I want more. So magical.

4. Toys R Us
Has no power. The power is out. The lights are not on. They are off. There is no power. There is a ferris wheel in there. There are kids on the ferris wheel probably freaking out. I bet people are looting. If you like to loot and see kids cry, go to Toys R Us.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 18th, 2007 at 2:35 pm and is filed under lessons learned. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.